Words are powerful tools, and in this video Emma and Faith talk about their experiences being on the receiving end of hurtful words, or words that came across as hurtful.
The Power of Words
Faith: Like, now I know I can’t roast her hair because she was insecure, looking about like humpty dumpty or something, right?
Emma: No no no it’s like myself, see, the thing is I can’t be hurt by the things people tell me because everything people tell me, I’ve told myself already!
[laughter]
Emma: So sticks and stones- have you seen these arms? They can definitely break these bones, but other people’s words will probably not hurt me deeply because I have already built immunity.
Faith: Would they hurt you temporarily, though? Like, would you be thinking about it for a while?
Emma: I think the thing is, I’ve become so desensitised. So I can take a pretty brutal beating. So I think feedback becomes very critical. That’s when it really starts to impact me, because it no longer feels just like feedback. But it feels like you’re attacking my character as well, because I wouldn’t put something out unless I thought it meant a certain level of skill or criteria. And I think I’m open to feedback. Like that’s what I hope I move into feedback. But I think there comes a certain point when feedback is no longer constructive and it’s just critical.
I’m a very tough love person, I appreciate people who are tough love. Because I think we need that. You can also tell when someone is tough love and when someone is just like ripping a hole in you for the sake of it. Yeah. So if it’s not intentionally mean, I’m fine with it.
Faith: I was given feedback on a speech one time, and someone was trying to be tough love. But they were just like me. And a lot of people, I think don’t know the difference between “Hey, I’m being helpful because they need some negative feedback” and I’m just gonna be like oh no this is gonna hurt. Have you dealt with that before?
Emma: I think yeah, like definitely being hurt by things that come from a place of love. I think that’s normal. Because I mean, like it or not love hurts. Okay, not to say that you should stay in whatever toxic relationship you’re in, don’t do that. But sometimes love will hurt. But you do keep coming back to it because even if it hurts, in that moment, the intention behind it does matter. And I think intentions really do shine through at the end of the day.
If somebody is giving you feedback to the point where it’s starting to become more like a personal attack, that’s when you really have to stand up for yourself because nobody is going to stand up for you, except for you. Like at the end of it. And it’s up to you to really define when something is okay, and when something is not.
Not to say that another person should not be more sensitive, and in a sense, I think everybody should be conscious about what to say. But sometimes it’s really just a miscommunication. Sometimes it’s maybe maturity on their level, I’ve met some immature adults, I’ve met kids who were more mature than adults and can put something across way more tactfully than an adult ever could. But that’s when you really just have to put yourself in their shoes a little.
Not to say that, you know, you should constantly be making allowances for people who hurt you. I think that’s also important. Realising when something is a one off, when something is like a personality trait, or maybe they really just do have a vendetta against you. I think that is important to figure out.
Faith: So like in your case, when that person gave their hurtful feedback? Was it something that was like out of pocket for them?
Emma: I think it was because I didn’t ask for their feedback, because I already had someone else that was giving it to me. So it just felt unsolicited. It was hard for me though, because I was like, am I just being dramatic? Like, am I just being a snowflake? Yeah. And not wanting to take advice, or change what I thought was already pretty great. And that’s when I asked my mom and I asked my mentor and I just told them about the situation. They’re like, “I don’t think you’re in the wrong on this.” Yeah, I think getting a second opinion would definitely help.
Follow up interview (2023):
1. What do you do now?
Faith: I am now a full-time student at Regent University studying psychology with plans to become a doctor in clinical psychology.
2. Compared to the last time you were with us, what has changed?
Faith: I’m in a completely different stage of life since the last time I was on The Socially Awkward Podcast. Everything from academic switches to family dynamics have metamorphized. I’ve been offered leadership opportunities in my college, and have become plugged in relationally after moving to Virginia Beach from Singapore.
3. Do you have tips or tricks for teen homeschoolers who want to continue homeschooling?
Faith: A piece of advice for homeschoolers: don’t doubt your education just because you work in a location deviating from the norm. As long as your work ethic is strong and you’re familiar with time management, homeschooling is a great option that if done correctly, I would recommend almost everyone try.
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