Rebecca and Dani talk about why relationships (with a partner, family member, or friend) can sour, red flags to look out for, the importance of boundaries, and how to repair your relationships before they fall apart.
Intro
Rebecca: Hey, everyone, before we jump straight into the podcast, I would like to put a content warning that we will be talking about body image, body shaming, identity, our insecurities and eating habits. And while we think these are important things to talk about, we also know that it’s a sensitive subject. So if any of these things are potentially triggering topics to you, do be careful and click away anytime if you feel like you need to.
We will also like to say that these are our own views, and they don’t represent the entire communities that we are a part of. We are open to our views changing and this is just our personal opinion. Now let’s get into it.
I met our guest at a public speaking tournament and eventually she joined our group, and I got to know her better. We share common interests and if you find us together, we’re probably scrolling Pinterest or Instagram, scrolling over cute clothes and sharing encouraging messages. Here with me to chat about some really important topics, Dani.
Dani: Hi.
Rebecca: Hey, thanks so much for coming. So first off, I just want to share the definition of- I guess a pretty important topic that we’re gonna be talking about, which is body shaming. So the Merriam Webster defines body shaming as the act of practice of subjecting someone to criticism or mockery for supposed bodily faults or imperfections. So Dani, do you have a story of when you were body shamed that you’d like to share?
Dani: Yeah, I think because I’ve always had like, a booty right? It’s slightly bigger, I wouldn’t say it’s too big but um, I’ve had that and a slightly bigger hips and waist? Yeah. So my parents would kind of like, make comments and be like, oh, you should wear this and this, like, cover it up, right? Because you don’t want people to see it and things, and kind of made me feel really insecure about the way that I dress up because I’ll be like, oh, this is a flaw, I should hide it and cover it up right? So nobody sees it and comments. And I think for a while I really just wore ties and just like, long tops to cover up everything.
And then I think I slowly started to realise that like, hey, these aren’t necessarily my flaws. It’s just who I am, I can’t help it that I have the shape. So I started to embrace it. And now I wear clothes that you know, bring out like my hips, like the shape of it and things.
My Body & My Identity
Rebecca: I remember seeing this thing that someone had wrote about the fact that you know, some people have really, really flat stomachs, it even goes all the way down.
Dani: Yeah.
Rebecca: And then people are like, hey, you know, we have like a pooch, like right here to protect our womb, okay? It’s like a whole anatomy thing and it’s there for a reason and it’s okay to have a little bit of fat on your body or it’s gonna freeze. And you’re not gonna-
Dani: You literally have organs there. It’s not gonna stay inside.
Rebecca: Yeah and it’s just everyone’s made different. Our body frames and body sizes are so different, so we can’t really compare as long as you’re eating in moderation, you’re healthy, it’s good. And if you died tomorrow, the brownie that you ate today would be worth it.
Aside from the things that people said about us, you know, those comments, things that we eat, our insecurities, how have all of these comments and you battling with your insecurities and your relationship with food, how has that shaped you into the person you are today and you know, the way that you view yourself?
Dani: I’ve definitely grown quite a bit like, from a 13 year old teen who’s, you know, hitting puberty and just eating a bunch of food, you know, enjoying life, and then suddenly being hit with the oh, you’re gaining weight, you’re looking like this and this and this, I think I went from being like, super insecure or getting breakdowns, feeling really, like insecure on things, to kind of understanding myself better now, like understanding my body and like, hey, it’s normal to be bloated.
Everybody goes through puberty, like, we’re all gonna gain weight and things. It’s normal and I think throughout like, the whole five years plus now, I’ve definitely understood myself much better. Like, hey, this is how you look, it’s fine, you know, you can embrace it, like, not everyone’s gonna look like, picture perfect as you said, we’re not gonna have- we’re not all gonna be tall, we’re not gonna…look this way.
And I think that’s what I realized at the end of the day. So I think one thing I realized is that this is my body, and I will find clothes that I want to wear, what I think suits me and stuff, having a closet of clothes that like- that I know that I like too and then it fits me and everything, definitely helped me quite a bit also.
Rebecca: Finding that confidence and settling into yourself, I think is really important. So who would you describe yourself as Dani, who are you as Dani?
Dani: For people who know me quite well, they will know I’m very bubbly and outgoing, the one person who probably like, laugh a lot in the group. But if you meet me at- it’s like, we first meet I’m quite a shy person, actually. I think also because of COVID I’ve kind of taken the time to find myself or understand me better. So I kind of realized that some days I was just forcing out like the extroverted me. And it got super, like super, super mentally tiring.
Like, I’m putting out this façade of someone that isn’t really me, just to get other people to like me. And I think after like circuit breaker, I was like, hey, actually, maybe I might be an introvert, and I do need some me time to just de stress, relax. And just some me time would be, you know, going to like, a nature trail and just walking, or just reading a book and listening to music alone. I think having that just helped me realize to de stress and like, Hey, you had a long day, you know, just like, take the time off and meditate on what happened, where you could like, done better and where you did well and things. So I think that helped a lot.
Follow up interview (2023):
1. What do you do now?
Dani: Currently I’m working part time as music teacher, an MOE instructor and a babysitter. I’m planning to intern with The Institute for Cultural Communicators this june-january in Nashville, TN!
2. Compared to the last time you were with us, what has changed?
Dani: Compared to the last time, I’d say quite a lot has changed. I finished my SATs, I started working and exploring the working world while planning for my future (college/full time work).
3. Do you have tips or tricks for teen homeschoolers who want to continue homeschooling?
Dani: I would say to definitely find friends to study together with you, or do activities together! I know that some homeschoolers study alone so if you can find 1 or a few friends who are doing the same curriculum as you, study with them! It gives you a certain motivation, and you can also help each other as you study.
Another tip would be to have a rough idea of what you would like to aim for, or do during your homeschooling journey. Perhaps it could be to take the SATs, or to get into a local course in Singapore. Having a rough idea of your goal and aim does help make your journey a bit smoother. And lastly, I’d say to just enjoy the years you have with other homeschoolers! Time will past by faster than you know it 🙂
Hear the full episode on:
