Episode 15: Mom & Dad, Let’s Hangout

Hannah and Rebecca discuss possible solutions such as personality tests, love languages, and how it helps in their own families.

Speaking Your Language

Rebecca: My name is Rebecca and you’re listening to the socially awkward podcast. Last year, I had the opportunity to be a speaker alongside our guests at the annual homeschool convention. Her speech topic was especially memorable as she talked about how her parents were her pillars of support. With many teenagers going to school and parents out working, many don’t have the opportunity to connect with their parents often, even us homeschoolers. So, here to share with us about how her family intentionally connects intergenerationally, Hannah Hoy.

Hannah: Thank you for having me on your podcast. 

Rebecca: No problem, do you want to introduce yourself? 

Hannah: So I’m Hannah, and I’m a homeschooling teen. I have five siblings and I’m 16 this year. I’m the third child, in the middle. 

Rebecca: All right, so can you tell me a bit about your family dynamic? Who is out working? Are both parents working, or who’s at home? 

Hannah: So only one of the parents is working, my dad’s working.  My mom’s the homemaker. She takes care of us at home and teaches us as well.

Rebecca: Can you tell me a bit about the personalities in your family?

Hannah: So I think most of us are introverts but of course, there’s still noise. I think the extroverts are Josh and Anna, the youngest two.

Rebecca: In my family, I have five people and I’m right smack in the middle, the second child, and honestly I don’t know. I think we have a good balance of extroverts and introverts. I’m kind of in between. No, I’m actually an introvert. I don’t think I’m an ambivert. I think my sister’s an ambivert. Family dynamic at home really plays into the conversations that we have, because I feel like as an introvert myself, and maybe as an introvert, you can relate. It’s sometimes hard to talk about our feelings. And when you’re around your family all the time, it’s just like, oh, do chores, or what’s in your schedule today? And it’s a bit awkward. It’s a bit awkward and your mom was like, hey, that’s how I was taught. Yeah, so how do your parents schedule a time to have these deep conversations with you guys? 

Hannah: So I think my parents do it differently. For my dad, he will schedule each day for one person. So Monday is for my oldest brother, Tuesdays are for Max, and Wednesdays are for me. So he’ll tell us in advance, this week I’m gonna go out with you, we’re gonna talk and spend time together. So we’ll walk to the nearest fast-food restaurant. Then we’ll just talk and when we reach there, the conversation gets deeper, because the attention is more on you, not on walking and doing anything else. And then we’ll walk back. For my mom, it’s not really planned, so she’ll just bring us shopping or go to collect something or just grab a bite. And she’ll just talk with us.

Rebecca: If you were a parent, what is something that your parents have done that you want to adopt and do for your kids?

Hannah: I think I’ll definitely be spending time with each of the kids, setting aside time for each of them. I think that’s really important because you connect with them differently, and how you connect with them really matters. According to how they feel loved, for example, their love languages. If you give a child whose love language is receiving gifts, a gift, they will feel loved. But if you give it to another child whose love language is not gifts, I mean they will still feel loved but it’s not to the max, if that makes sense?

Rebecca: So what’s your parent’s love language? 

Hannah: I think my dad’s is definitely quality time. I’m not very sure about my mom, she’s complicated, but I think it’s receiving gifts. Because sometimes she would ask me and my youngest sister to go and get groceries and stuff and we know like she likes this certain food, so sometimes we’ll just buy it, like “Hey, it’s your money, but we bought it for you. There you go.” 

Rebecca: [Laughing] I spent your money on something that I think you like. I mean even if we spend our allowance it’s pretty much the same thing, it just comes around. For me, my love language, I think, is quality time. What’s yours?

Hannah: Yeah, mine is quality time too. The love language of most of us at home is quality time, I think. Like Max and John, no John’s is words of affirmation. 

Rebecca: Okay, so those people who like quality time are just like “Hey, you wanna just vibe together for five hours? Renergize and everything?” For me, mine is quality time. I don’t know about my dad, I’ve never really asked. He’s just not into that kind of personality test thing. 

Hannah: Study them and think you’re this, no this is not the one. 

Rebecca: I think it’s quality time, we would sit down and watch tv together. Is that quality time?

Hannah: Yeah, you’re spending time together.

Rebecca: Yeah, exactly. And then my mom, she may be acts of service, but she may just want me to do chores, I can’t tell. If you are parents or if you’re a teenager who’s listening, it’s very helpful to find out the personalities of your parents, knowing whether you are an introvert or extrovert really helps too, as well as love languages.  So you’re not doing something and being like, “Oh my gosh I’m loving them so much! Why are you not feeling loved?” and they’re like, “I don’t feel loved, child, what are you doing?”

It’s really important to communicate about that kind of stuff, and maybe be like “Hey mom, let’s go do an MBTI test together and we can just learn more about ourselves and each other.” It’s so simple, you can just say, “Hey, let’s spend a Saturday morning together.” Or even time with your family, let’s eat Saturday brunch together instead of opening your textbook first thing in the morning. Because that’s just stuff, you know? Have time to rest and have time to spend with your family because after all, they were there for you since the first day. They’re gonna be there for you and it kind of sucks if you’re just living in a house together and you barely know them.

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